Tue, 19 Feb 2008 05:04:14 GMT

Dearest of my darlingist, dearest diaries,

How have you been? I've been quite the busy little beaver but I am happy to say that tonight, for the first time in many moons, I have a moment to gather my thoughts and share them with you!

I haven been doing this terribly wonderful show on Broadway these days. It is quite a pond of fishy fun. It is so refreshing to dip my toes into the fountain and splash around for a few hours every night! It makes me feel like a strapping young lad back home in Philly. The jolliest part of my job is without question seeing a select few lovely faces who wait for me on certain occasions. I keep this calender in my dressing room marking down when they will be back or when I think they might be back. I have a pretty good idea because when I'm not here doing the show I am usually online stalking them. I have a feeling they are stalking me too so I don't feel quite as creepy. Is it wrong to stalk someone if you're only stalking them so you can find out more about them so you can properly illustrate why you are meant to be with them? I think not.

I haven't seen Kate in several days. I hope she is okay. I hope she got home alright. I know she catches the train at Penn Station and then drives from the station to her home in L-Town, PA and every night I worry about her so much, that she catches her train, that the train doesn't derail, that the roads are a safe condition to drive, that she gets in to bed safely. Every night I search the audience for her smiling face and shining eyes and classy makeup and I can't help but feel just the smallest amount of sorrow when I do not see her. I try to channel the sadness into my suicide monologue because it kind of makes me wish my fake gun were a real one.

I also miss my Canada. I heard from a friend that she is looking for an American husband so she can apply for US Citizenship. I think I am the perfect fellow for this job, if only she would ask me. I suppose it's awkward to bring up, but she certainl cannot expect me to do so! It's slightly less creepy if she asks me, don't you think, dearest darlingist dashingist diary?

That's all for now! I have a manicure and then off to bed for my beauty sleep. Big show tomorow night. I hope Kate is there. She's hot.

So much love,

Wise Turtle.

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 01:03:04 GMT

i'm a turtle in a cage surrounded by marshmellows.

someofgodsmoney